Apathy

My life was always full of memories and hopes in the past. Those experiences were the foundations of what I am today. And, those memories was also my hopes to continue striving and courageous in facing difficulties and ordeals in my life. But, everything changed like a bubble that bumped onto a thorny wall and dissipated instantaneously. These past weeks I have secluded myself and indulge into reading and other selfish desires. I lose my sense of time and enjoyed the whole day in my room. It was great to feel ghe freedom of burdens I have always dreamt of. Inside this small and messy room I could immerse myself in self-contemplation and reliazations which could help me to further develop my whole being especially in learning more who truly I am. I meditated almost everyday to release myself into pain and sufferig. I could see the scornful and hateful eyes around me, I can feel their feelings of disappointment to me. Whenever I look at them they were all swaying their heads and murmuring “Such a waste”. With these turn of events I became numb of all those eyes, comments and dissatisfactions. I am now selfish unlike the past where I am foolish and naive about everything. I was oblivious. Despite of those knowledge and achievement I had received I’m still inexperienced when it comes to such things. I became apathetic. A lot happened,  birthday celebrations, reunions, social gatherings and even Christmas it all became a just a normal day to me. In fact it became just noisy and burdensome day for me. Still I need to pursue a higher degree of knowledge and comphrehend more about myself so that I could attain great achievements for my family. Despite of those negative and selfish things I still can’t think of leaving my family or even neglect them, they are my only ally; the one that could accept me unconditionally whatever I became to be they will be always there. But, the scar in my heart and soul that made me more insensitive with others feelings became more apparent to me. Only my family could melt these solid ice in my heart with their warm love. I think reading a LOT of books really helped me in improving my English skills. I just noticed that most of the words I have used above were from the novels I read.

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