Life is indeed full of ups and downs for I suffered a lot of ordeals and setbacks in my life. However, for other people my problems are just trivial and senseless. But, they doesn’t know how I struggled to overcome such problems. I have planned a lot of solutions and changes in my life but all of those doesn’t effectively worked for me.

People see me as an intelligent, sophisticated, spoiled, nerd and emotional brat. It was always their first impression to me and I can’t change that. However, it’s quite the opposite of what they see. I overthink a lot especially on my educational achievement which is I’m really conscious about. I see myself as a poor listener and speaker that can’t fully express himself properly using English as a basic language. Also, I’m not that hard to understand, in fact I’m really easy to comphrehend. Although, sometimes my wordings has deep meaning which needed to decipher at first. Anyways, going back, Yes, I’m a simple person. Furthermore, to make things clear, I’m not a spoiled brat. How I wish I was so that I could have everything I want. But, we aren’t that rich for me to be spoiled. Though, I’m an unico ijo or an only child all of the attention was centered to me. Perhaps, we could say ‘yes’, I’m spoiled when it comes to my parents attention, obviously! I’m their one and only child! Moving on, a lot of people judge my demeanor as weird and nonconforming. Why? Because I like to read books even though I get tired of it quickly. Who doesn’t get bored reading educational books, duh?! And, I tend to look on the technicalities of the terms and books which was I think common on students, right? They should be technical and critical when it comes to studying if I’m not mistaken. Lastly, emotional, I’m INDEED emotional but I don’t publicly shows it. Well, who does? When someone criticizes me, I took it negatively. Afterwards, I’ll contemplate in my room and thinking what did I do wrong and where am I mistaken.

Thus far I still don’t fully understand myself even though I did a lot of complicated planning and changes in my life. I can’t change. I’m not contented on what I have and I still want learn and achieve more. However, before doing that I need to completely comphrehend myself in order for me to achieve self-actualization. But, my question is ‘How’. Where should I start? What should I change? What do I lack?

“It is hard to change yourself when you’re already used to it.”


Writing is love

Writing is one of the essential ways of communication, it was used since stone age. It may be, formal, informal or even an art. Hence, I’m really enthusiastic to write and express my thoughts, ideas and opinions through writing. However, I’m hindered by lacking vocabulary and English mastery. I want to share a lot of things by using English as my primary language as it was used globally and professionally. Despite of criticisms towards my English skills, I’m always doing and giving my best to learn and improve my level of comphrehension and articulation.

English language used by the society to measure intelligence of the people. With that, a lot of people was scared to express themselves using English because they are scared to be judged as a uneducated individual. And, I’m one of those people — an individual who has been discriminated just because of my weak communicative skills. Thus, I was scared to talk in English because there are a lot of people who will be jugding what you say.

The society today was occupied by people with twisted judgement and reasoning. Consequently, people suffered from diffident behaviors and weak composure. As a graduate srudent, I’m a poor English writer and speaker however it doesn’t stop me from learning and developing myself for I know that learning is a continuous process and it is a lifetime. Furthermore, one will only be able to efficiently refine his/her English skills through regular exposure into a English environment.